{I am Marci}: {Baby Grant}

On July 5th Marcus and I went to my doctor appointment, anxious to hear our babies heart beat and also to find out the gender. I felt uneasy all morning, but since losing Baby Marcus I've felt that way before every appointment. A technician was performing the ultrasound and it was obvious to all of us immediately that our little baby's heart was not beating. All I could think to ask was if she could still see what the gender was. She couldn't tell for sure but guessed a girl. I really wanted another girl in our family and thought to myself, there she is. We told the kids as soon as we got home and they took it pretty well, but were disappointed. Tate and Maizie are pretty matter of fact about the whole thing and tell anyone and everyone about how two of our babies died. Jacob seems to understand the sadness of it all and when we told him this baby had died, he started crying, threw his hands up and said, "Why do our babies keep dying?" Well, we don't quite have the answer to that, just that we know we will still be an eternal family and know our babies must really be needed on the other side. A little while later he told Marcus he wasn't going to eat for two days, because he was going to fast for the baby. Pretty sure he had dinner that night, but it is the thought that counts?

After our baby was delivered, I asked again about the gender and the nurses guessed a girl. Marcus and I prepared a perfect name for the baby. When my doctor arrived to finish the delivery, we asked him again about the gender and after 15 minutes he finally concluded it was a boy. It felt like another blow having been making arrangements for a little girl, but we changed our mindsets and prepared an equally perfect name for our sweet little boy. Grant Alan is named after my Grandpa Bartholomew and my Dad. We thought they were very fitting names.

A whirlwind of 24 hours later and we were back home with no baby in our arms and our other beautiful children with their aunt and uncle for the weekend. Even though I had this same experience 7 months ago, it was different in its own way, and I handled it differently. Some ways better and some worse. There were so many who were so supportive of us when Baby Marcus died that it was easier to let people that I trusted and loved, do all they wanted for us. And it was a lot! It was so tender to arrive home to an empty house, but one that had been surrounded in love with blue ribbons tied to everything possible. We knew our friends were thinking about us and our little boys.

We held a service for Baby Grant just like we did for Baby Marcus. Marcus spoke beautifully about our feelings and the Plan of Salvation. Many friends and family joined us on a beautiful summer day. The boys grave is under a large Sycamore tree, giving us lots of cool shade. The kids and Marcus and I sent notes on balloons to both the babies and all the children there helped us release balloons to them.