My little girl...

I've heard about the instant bonding that happens between a mother and her newborn baby, but honestly I hadn't felt that until now. To explain, my first son Jacob was taken from me without so much as a cry and the next time I saw him he had a million (okay probably about 10) tubes and wires coming out of him and he was pretty much knocked out so that the doctors could do what they needed. Needless to say, 2 days later when I was discharged from the hospital and later that night home watching a movie with my husband, I was surprised when he said "I miss Jacob". I had forgotten, for lack of a better description, that we had him. In my somewhat unstable mind all I knew was we went to the hospital, hung out for a couple of days, had visitors, and then came home with the same stuff we left with. We went to hospital everyday to see him and even then didn't have much bonding.

With Tate I guess we had a better shot at bonding but it didn't really happen. My labor went good but was long and after 12 hours of no food or water I was EXHAUSTED! With Jacob I felt awesome (physically) immediately when he was delivered. When Tate was born I still felt horrible. In fact I started throwing up, thats right! I wasn't even pregnant any more! They had given me some pain meds right before I started throwing up and the nurse dilligently searched through the vomit my husband caught in a bowl to find it so she could give me some more, but couldn't. So on top of feeling like crap I was in a ton of pain with no pain meds! In the coming months I felt like a beginner without a lot of support while breastfeeding since I didn't get to do much with Jacob and it was hard. I don't know if all this is the reason but I didn't bond much with Tate as a newborn and remember it took a couple of months to even enjoy him! (You're probably thinking I'm a horrible mother right about now! But I hope some of you have shared these same feelings!) But alas. Now I have my little girl and I can say that I felt an immediate connection to her when they layed her on my belly and when they took her to get her cleaned up I couldn't take my eyes away from her little bed. I had an hour or so to myself for my husband and I to hold her and enjoy her and she was adorable, all wide-eyed and wondering. And I've enjoyed almost every minute with her so far (it doesn't hurt that she is very content and sleeps 6-8 hours at night and then 4 more after that!) I don't know if it is because she is a girl (you all know I wasn't even hoping for that one!), or because of the different circumstances, but she has got me (and all of my boys too) wraped around her little finger. I'm not one to spoil but I don't think I'll mind if she keeps us that way!